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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  May 6, 2015 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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i got everything under control. you can best believe that. are you [bleep] my wife? it's not what it looks like! are you okay with that angle? from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart tonight's show is a good one. pie guest tonight ernest muniz he is the united states energy secretary. whatever the united states energy says he writes it down. all right. (laughter) we are going to start close at home with a new york and
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new jersey. two states united in one spirit. and that spirit is corruption. (laughter) it is what we do it has been part of new york and new swrersee history ever since the founding of the state by michael jersey and-- (laughter) let's say sergeant york. who then sold the state to six different countries before fleeing to mexico with the cash and getting married. (laughter) colonial men were quite-- am i wrong about that, they had tiny heads and little pear shaped bodies. and i follow their lead. both states new york and new jersey remain awash in scandal to the point where it's hard to guess which corruption is taking place where but it's worth a try.
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and a brand-new game we call quid pro oh! (cheers and applause) swrz here's what we're going to do. here's what we're going to do. we're going to roll the first business tree corruption story and i'm going to put on a blindfold so i'm to the going to know. they may tell you but i'm to the going to know. all right, all right hold on hold on. hit me with the first story. >> on friday two top aides were indicted and a third pleaded gillee to concerns that they committed fraud. >> fraud bribery with just a woody note of underworld bosses. man, that could be any-- either one of-- another clue another clue. >> they marched and perpetuated a bogus cover story to cover their tracks. >> both states law and cover up. that's always you see the guys on the side of the road with the iphone they are are
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always like what dow mean i didn't make this in my garage, you say i can't make a anix phone in the garage. fore. >> prosecutors claiming it was political retribution. >> that's new jersey right there. that's ven vengence vengence, did i get it? am i right jersey. boom. nicely done. let me guess bridgegate. >> more than two years after the traffic jams engineered by aides to governor christie federal prosecute ares lowered the boom on friday charging three with serious crimes. former deputy chief of staff bridget kelly an political appointee bill bar roney face nine count david wildstein pleaded guilty. >> oh, good i'm sure that comes as a great comfort to all those who are still stuck on the bridge. from 2013. i don't know why. you would think someone with have brought them a sandwich. >> so chrisist c.e.o. escapes indictment but still three of his top aides are going down that has got to
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be humbling. >> chrisiest now in a position to claim vindication. he intends to announce his presidential campaign as early as this month. >> how the [bleep] is that vindication. how does that vindication. in what world you know it is what i have been saying i -- do anything. i didn't shut down that bridge as retribution, was my senior staff hand picked and encouraged to a culture i created of intimidation an bullying. christie, 2016. all right. i'm going to get this one again. let's do another one. here we go. all right hold on. all right give me another one. >> the top republican is under a rest along with his son on federal corruption charges. >> charged with conspiracy bribery and extortion involving one of the city's largest real estate developers and an environmental technology firm. >> oh blooep blaep has it all baby. (laughter) >> this is this has a family corruption
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retribution, real estate it's like a new sop ran did-- it's got to be swrersee got to be. >> dam t i thought i would get that one. >> all right i get t you doubled up on that. >> loser! (laughter) >> that actually seemed a bit over the line. >> (laughter) >> jon: seems like an awfully personal insult. one of those-- what is the new york case about. >> new york state senate leader dean skelos and his son were arrested and face six counts including conspiracy extortion and soliciting bribes. >> in another case senator skelos allegedly pressured a real estate developer to pay his son 20 grand for work he never did. >> jon: a what is the that's so stupid. if skelos, jr. wanted to page money in real estate
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without putting any real effort just been ayman mann rental broker. they just go-- they go hey hey hey here is your apartment, now pay me 15% because craigslist ads aren't free oh wait-- by the way why are you arranging all these payments for junior. he is 32 years old. don't you think it's time he went out and sold his own money. >> i tell wah is amazing these guys were caught by us attorney breathe bharara months after he indicted sheldon silver on similar pay to play charges. you would have thought skelos would have taken precautions. >> steve skelos allegedly cautioned his son at one point right now we're in dangerous time, adam. and the son complained. you can't talk normally because it's like blanking priest bharara is listening to every blanking phone call. (applause)
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>> jon: he added except of course for this one. anyway, back to our weekly father son crime talk. i cherish these bleeping admissible conversations. skelos senior is confident in his acquittal. >> i know that i will be found not only not guilty but innocent. >> jon: you know people-- you know people don't get declared innocent. that's not a thing in new york's legal system. they don't-- but as long as you are concocting imaginary verdict why not go big i will be found innocent and the jury will most definitely return a verdict of awesome. and the judge will grant a rid of habuous ghoulish. up in albany this case must come as a real shock. >> dean skelos is the fifth
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consecutive senate majority leader to be indicted encore ruption charges. >> jon: oh [bleep] five in a row they are the patriots of corruption. which as it turns out are also the patriots. at this point -- >> that's right. (cheers and applause) >> jon: so live gone gone you couldski. >> . >> jon: at they poant they use the same bible to swearing in dow uphold the duties of your office and just to save time how do you plead. now what are they going to do now. who is going to fill skelos's shoes. >> the number two person in the senate tom lineous is also under indictment in a separate case. >> jon: of course he is that is how you know set right man for the job.
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you don't want some unindicted rookie coming into the new york state government who can't tell his burner phone from his slush fund. i swear to god at this point cleaning up albany is like trying to tunnel your car out of a giant pile of [bleep] you dig and you dig and you dig. at a certain point you realize wait a second i think i parked my car over there. (laughter) we'll be right back. ooh that's hot. take it off amore take it off! no! you don't want me any more? you're a pizza, ok?! and we're done! don't let food hang around. nooo!!!!! for that just brushed clean feeling, eat, drink chew. orbit. at dunkin' breakfast just got zestier with guacamole made from real avocados, tomatoes, cilantro, and lime the new bacon guacamole flatbread. ole, indeed!
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: hey, everybody welcome back. so we're talking about immigration. hot-button issue in the 2008 and 2012 election. in the race for 2016 it is only getting hotter. >> hillary clinton returned to nevada. >> to rekindle her relationship with hispanic voters she declared her unequivocal support to a path for citizenship for illegal immigrants. >> we can't wait any longer for a path to full and equal citizenship. >> jon: i said it, am i president now. are we done here people. particular stock, i got meetings. clinton awe immigration gambit sway latino varieties we are joined by al madrigal. al. (cheers and applause) good to see you. >> this is amazing no candidate has ever offered
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no ever offered this much. >> path to citizenship solid opening offer. not a bad start even if her historic immigration speech was delivered in what is clearly the adult circulation room of a public like-- public library. i guess she figured hey this say good enough place for homeless guys to masturbate in, it's good enough for a raid to idina. (laughter) swrz and they thought public libraries wouldn't last in the internet age. but al you don't seem inspired. you don't seem -- >> it just feels like we've been down this road before. >> i also believe we have to give a pathway to citizenship after they have paid a fine and learned english to those who are already here. >> and what we actually get more deportations than ever before. what i am saying is democrats shouldn't expect to get latino support just
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because they fail the right things. especially since republicans finally have a republican latinos can call their own swrz actually two it's two. marco rubio and ted cruz. >> eh, i guess those guys are technically latinos. i mean there is a lot more to being latino than just being latino. >> jon: you mean because they're weak on immigration. >> well sure i mean but mainly because their's cuban. and really a small and i got to be honest this subset like the wasps of the latino world. you can't expect the bulk of us noncuban latinos to go crazy for two cuban guys who threw away a path to citizenship for a path to the white house. especially the one who is actually from canada. >> jon: yeah that's-- but now i'm confused. so if marco rubio and ted cruz are not the latinos in the race who is the latino in the republican race.
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>> jon i will tell you a tale of the selection of a candidate for president who speaks true spanish and has a mexican wife who raised mexican children and regularly eats mexican food and this man is a republican. >> jon: it's not possible. >> jon, the legend is real. (laughter) and his name is jeb. >> jon: jeb? >> jeb. >> jon: jeb? >> yes. >> jon: jeb. >> or as we call him jeb-- (laughter) >> jon: i think actually it's called jeb jeb. >> what i did say. >> jon: you said el jebe. why did i get that again?
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>> you got it jon because you don't believe. most candidates are scrambling to go after latinos now but jeb bush started his outreach program in 1974. he literally married into the demographic. >> jon: he married a person a person without -- >> his wife columbia bush represents us all jon and jeb knows it. tell me this man doesn't understand the mexican american soul. >> after church we go prepare for sunday fun day in my house. we will be cooking beef and i will probably make a really good guacomole. >> you hear how that guacomole rolls off his tongue? now all he has to do is come up to the table with a meaningful path to citizenship and he might be the one we've all been waiting for. >> jon: he did say guacamole very as well. but i don't know, did you notice he also said sunday
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fun-day. >> yeah we really got to work on that. might be the whitest thing i've ever heard swrz thank you al. al madrigal everybody. w ♪ nexium 24hr. it's the purple pill. the #1 prescribed acid blocking brand. available without a prescription for frequent heartburn. get complete protection. nexium level protectiontm.
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. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is the united states secretary of energy please welcome to the program secretary ernest muniz. sir. what's happening? >> this is these are heavy times for the secretary of energy. you are in many ways one of the key responsible parts to
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this iran nuclear deal yes. >> yes. >> jon: you were in the really with iranians with secretary kerry negotiating this deal. >> uh-huh, trying to get all the technical stuff right. >> jon: we were trying to get it-- what was that word you used. >> get it right. >> jon: get it right. >> get it right. >> jon: you-- you understand the nuclear issues. there are apparently four pathways to getting a bomb. this structure of a deal is to prevent them from doing so. are you satisfied with the parameters of this deal? >> yes, i am. no plutonium no uranium and no covert activity. >> jon: no covert activity. >> that's the idea. >> jon: . >> you know. >> jon: because i'm pretty sure the concept of covert activity is that you don't know about it. >> well that is the goal. but we have a pretty
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good-- . >> jon: what is the greatest challenge beyond our own congress of this deal? what is the difficult part? >> well first of all seriously, we need to have a good deal in the sense that it is verifiable. it is all based upon verificationment and we start out with very very strong constraints on the program. >> jon: what, they have about 19,000 centrifuges. >> that's right. and 10,000 kilograms of enriched uranium am we will take it down to 300. >> jon: how much do you need and how meaning centrifuges to get bomb-ready. >> let's say right now they're in the range f that material were converted to bombs it would be 8 to 10 so-- . >> jon: 8 to 10 bombs. how long would it take them to get to 8 to 10 bombs. >> that, there are two different issues. one is getting the material enriched properly. right now that is probably a
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couple months. we would just this agreement assuming we reach it are going to be over a year. so it gives a lot more time to react there are other issues to get to a bomb besides material but we're just focusing on that. >> what is the other once you get all the materials s it a type of recipe like you are supposed to fold in uranium not put it in before i -- >> you know you go on the internet. and you find out. >> do they find that sort of thing out. >> do we think as technology advances this is going to become more and more of a-- won't the technology to create a type of nuclear weapon become more available to more countries and a proliferation regime be much more difficult. >> that is why actually the main focus is always on the nuclear material that is the long goal. you have to track the material. we have unprecedented means in this agreement to
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actually track uranium all the with way back to the mine, all the way through the finishing process. >> jon: where does the material usually come from. >> uranium, from the ground from a mine. >> jon: no i meant like -- >> you know. >> jon: i mean what country would be the source unless they have their own. >> they v they have their own. >> jon: why is everybody going to niger to buy -- >> you can also afford it but we-- we have to-- we have to actually track both their own mines and we have to track all the procurement of it. >> jon: how do you track that. what do you use there. a geiger. like you walk around like a guy on the beach doing this? how do you track that? >> we have national means we call it. >> jon: that's all the time we have for today's show.
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you know it's interesting department of energy you know because there are a lot of people complaining about this deal. there is a gentleman in the senate named tom pine was wrote a letter to the iranians to the ayatollah i believe saying don't negotiate this deal because we're going to ruin it. and when that happened and you were in negotiations, did your counterparts come in that morning and go who the hell is this guy? >> well listen it obviously was noticed. to put it mildly. however the iranians and we have been very clear this say government to government negotiation. that is how agreements are reached. and we need to have a good deal. when you sit down with your russian counterparts, do you trust them you know, talk about a land of a tremendous amount of material am do they have, do you talk to them about tracking their materials? >> well actually we did a lot of that in the 1990 after the soviet union and
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russian collapse. in fact in my first go around, i spent most of my time working on tracking. >> securing russian materials. >> jon: so in your mind iran will stay to the letter of the deal and make it verifiable. and if they don't then we will be probably really mad. >> we retain all of our options with the deal. obviously we hope that they will observe it. but again this is not got upon trust t is built upon pretty strong set of observations verification access, transparency an that's the nature of the deal. >> and we must them-- trust them. >> we will verify. >> jon: and they trust you. >> we will verify. they will-- . >> jon: stick around i want to talk about energy when we come back. secretary ernest muniz we'll be right back.
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♪ we're the open water paddlers. the best part about kayaking together are times like this. here's to friends who reach for better. fewer carbs, fewer calories, superior taste. michelob ultra. the superior light beer >> jon: that's your show here it is our home of zen. >> (speaking spanish)
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>> tonightly, mika bee enters the presidential race. so evangelical voters have a choice, which is more than he wants to give women. karlie fiorina's running for president. we ask can she beat hillary? here's a hint. no. and time magazine says america is ready for a post-menopausal grandpa president. what a coincidence that's the name of tyler perry's next movie. time to fire up the hope and